Fatherhood Behind Bars: Love, Challenges, and Hope by Jiovani Santiago

I’ve been locked up for 14 years, and in that time, I’ve been a father to my son from behind bars. He’s 15 now, turning 16 in December, and I’ve had to raise him through phone calls and occasional visits. It hasn’t been easy, and sometimes I wonder if I’m doing enough. There are days when getting him to talk about school feels like pulling teeth. I’ll ask, “What are you learning in class?” and all I get is, “I don’t know” or “It was good.” But I keep pushing because I want to be a part of his life, even from here.

We talk 2-4 times a day. Through those calls, I help him with homework, give him advice, and try to stay involved in his education. It’s hard when his mother doesn’t seem as interested in his future, so I feel this weight on my shoulders to keep him on track. He wants to be a police officer, which is kind of ironic, right? But I’m proud of him for having a goal, and I’ll do everything I can to help him reach it.

One memory that sticks with me is when he had a project about American history, and he couldn’t figure out how to start. I remember asking him, “What’s one interesting thing the teacher said today?” After a little back-and-forth, we finally got talking, and I helped him break down the assignment, step by step. It wasn’t much, but in that moment, I felt like I was truly doing my job as a father, despite the distance between us.

Every two weeks, we get seven hours together during visits. Seven hours might seem long, but when you’ve been away from your kid for so long, it’s never enough. I try to pack everything into those moments—laughing, catching up, giving advice. It’s bittersweet because I know I’ll have to say goodbye at the end of the day, but those visits are everything to me. The way he lights up when he talks about his future, I know he’s going to be something special.

I love my son more than anything, but I’ve always pictured myself being a “girl dad.” I hope I get that chance one day, maybe with a future partner’s daughter. For now, I’m focused on doing the best I can with my boy. Being a dad from behind bars isn’t easy, but it’s worth every tough moment.

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Jiovani Santiago is a member of PenPals.Buzz, where you can learn more about him, see pictures, and read his profile here.

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