Finding Purpose Through Fatherhood in Prison

Jeremy Busby shares how fatherhood in prison transformed his life and gave him renewed purpose despite devastating obstacles.

Becoming a father was no doubt my greatest achievement in life. The responsibilities that came with fatherhood gave me a sense of purpose like nothing else. I was living the dream.

Then disaster struck. Less than a year after my daughter was born, I was sentenced to 75 years in prison, and all of the implied promises of fatherhood were broken. I felt like a failure. Incarceration had unceremoniously interrupted the world of fatherhood as I knew it.

Deciding that prison didn’t deserve that level of power, I was forced to change my perspective on fatherhood, and this change gave me new purpose.

Learning From a Fatherless Childhood

I grew up without a father figure in my life. I came from a neighborhood where very few of my childhood friends had any meaningful interactions with their fathers. This experience allowed me to understand the negative impacts of growing up fatherless. The struggles my single mother was constantly confronted with, trying to provide for my three brothers and me. The shame that accompanied having to explain the absence of my father every year when the school would host a “Day With Dad.” The confusion that the lack of a male figure interjects when it comes to the complexities of life. The void of true friendship—someone who would protect and provide no matter the circumstances.

Broken Promises

With that at the forefront of my mind, I vowed to be different with my children. I promised myself, and repeatedly whispered to my unborn child, that I would be almost a godly figure in her life. Unlike my father, I would spend as much time with her as possible. I would be right there when she spoke her first words, took her first steps, attended her first day of school, and never missed a Day With Dad.

While all of those promises were deeply rooted in every bone in my body, two months after her birth I was arrested for murder. At every court proceeding, it became clearer and clearer that my concepts of fatherhood were increasingly becoming a theory I would never realize. When I was convicted and sentenced to 75 years in prison, it was a moment I would never forget. The pragmatic reality of not fulfilling my duty as a parent had set in.

Reclaiming Fatherhood in Prison

The mother of my daughter was unable to make the long, costly trips to the rural prison on weekends so I could have visitation privileges. There were no prison telephone systems to communicate through. And the prison system in general did nothing to facilitate the continuance of a healthy family bond. The mere thought that my incarceration impeded my desires to be a good father broke me. I vividly remember crying for days—not for physical freedom, but for another opportunity at fatherhood.

Then it dawned on me: Incarceration, as strong as it was, didn’t have the power to rob me completely of my fatherhood. Prison was in control of my body, but not my mind. I had complete control over what I was capable of giving as a father. I wasn’t out of options. I was still the father of my child, and fatherhood came with responsibilities.

Purpose and Redemption

This was when I tapped into my true self. There was nothing more important to me than being a great father. I was determined to be that individual despite the unfavorable obstacles before me. I actively searched for all of the possibilities within me to become a great father to my daughter. This led to an unwavering commitment to maximize every day I spent in prison to become a man my daughter would be proud of and happy to call Dad.

This commitment gave me true purpose. I enrolled in college and obtained my degree. Helping my community became a top priority, as well as serving as a positive example for others. I worked with prison administrators to erect programs to assist others in developing healthy bonds with their children, including a Day With Dad program. It became a habit for me to introduce myself to people as “Jeremy Busby, Auguste’s father.”

The Enduring Spirit of Fatherhood in Prison

As you could imagine, incarceration has posed numerous challenges over the past 27 years for me to stay committed to my purpose. I’ve watched other incarcerated individuals share physical visits with their children, and since the introduction of the phone system, daily phone calls. During our college commencement, some of my classmates had their children in the audience to witness their proud moment. I haven’t been as fortunate.

There were the naysayers who misappropriated my motivations to do good and succeed for everything other than its core purpose—being a proud father. I couldn’t allow myself to get caught up in any of that. Instead, I only allowed it to serve as fire to display the best parts of myself. None of those things made me less of a father. Conversely, it strengthened my belief in my purpose. As a father, I had the gift to wake up each and every day to fight for, believe in, and display all of the greatness that came with fatherhood. No levels of fear, doubt, or misunderstanding were going to stop that. I was Auguste’s father, and no one and no circumstance was powerful enough to take that away.

Celebrating Fatherhood Every Day

Every day of the year, I celebrate my fatherhood. Father’s Day is no exception. When Father’s Day rolls around, I pity those fathers who’ve wasted the other 364 days out of the year to celebrate their fatherhood. Becoming a father is one of the greatest gifts that life has to offer. Anyone, anytime, and anywhere can find their true purpose in it if they commit themselves. I found mine in prison with a 75-year sentence.

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Jeremy Busby is an incarcerated journalist in Texas. He is the founder and executive director of JoinJeremy Inc., an organization dedicated to promoting incarcerated journalism. He is a graduate of the University of Houston-Clear Lake and a former staff writer for The ECHO, the Texas prison newspaper.

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