Personal Growth in Prison: A Young Black Man’s Journey from Rage to Redemption

Terry Sellers describes how personal growth in prison began with a blunt warning from an older mentor and evolved into a life-changing journey from anger to faith, purpose, and leadership.

There was an eye-opening moment in my life some years back when I met an “old head” — an older, long-time prisoner who had earned respect. We were playing a game of chess when he said something that shocked the hell out of me. I remember thinking, Who does he think he is to speak to me this way?! But later that night, after reflecting — and if I’m being honest with myself — I realized he was right.

He said, “Young man, if you don’t get a hold of your anger, you’ll never get out.”

Wow. I know, right? A very bold thing to say to someone. Still, I couldn’t help but respect his honesty. We spoke about a plethora of things that day, and I learned a lot in the short time we were together. As fate would have it, we met again, and our friendship truly began to develop.

Growing up, core values and emotions weren’t things we really talked about in my household. Come to think of it, I’m not sure anyone ever expressed comments like that. Most of the time it was about, “Do this chore, do that. Don’t ever let anyone disrespect you. Stop crying. You’re a boy — boys don’t cry.”

So I learned to shut off my emotions at a young age to better deal with the mental, verbal, physical, and even sexual abuse that occurred in my home — and, it seemed, in many of the homes you went to or walked by.

It wasn’t until I became a young man, 22 years old, sitting in jail by myself and facing an unbearable amount of time for a crime I didn’t commit, that my thinking began to change.

I was angry at everything because I felt — and still feel — like the system failed me. Or did it? Or was it designed to do exactly what it has done to so many young men who look like me — wrongfully incarcerate and convict innocent young Black men? I was pissed, to say the least. On top of that, I didn’t really trust people, because that’s what I had been taught from a young age. Why did I have to be this way?

Over time, my old head became a close friend and mentor, all stemming from that one conversation. It’s said that one hour spent talking to a wise man is better than reading a hundred books. We talked about everything — from how to treat your woman and your kids, to investing your money. But the most important thing we dug into was Faith — and how Allah can and will change and improve every aspect of your life if you take the time to seek knowledge.

Studying Islam was new for me, but as I read and learned more, it began to change my life. Islam teaches you how to treat people, respect yourself, improve your moral character, and trust that God will make a way.

As I grew in my faith, my prism changed — and so did my heart. These beliefs shaped my values and gave me a sense of identity. Purpose, even. I found myself wanting to be a better man and to lead by example. When you meet new people, you realize everyone has one thing in common: it doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor — everyone has problems. Everyone is going through something or has gone through something. It’s how you choose to deal with those issues that separates us.

Of course, resources play a huge role as well. Understanding that, and continuing to grow as a Muslim man, I strive to apply the teachings of Islam by being peaceful and kind. Muslim means submission to the will of God. Islam means peace. If any Muslim does the opposite, they are wrong and will have to answer to the Almighty. But without struggle, there can be no progress. We should aim for progression, not perfection. Our worldviews, beliefs, and life experiences are what make us different — and uniquely beautiful. Could you imagine a world where everyone is exactly the same? Copies of one being, like the movie I, Robot.

For the most part, my Black community doesn’t agree with my values today. In my youth, I didn’t trust many people who didn’t come from where I came from or grow up how I grew up. As I said earlier, you can’t trust people, you can’t be viewed as weak, and the rules of the jungle still apply. But as a man — as an intelligent human being — you have to figure out what works for you. My beliefs have helped me put my vision for my life into better perspective, and that intertwines with my values. Helping people and leading by example has allowed me to interact with individuals I otherwise wouldn’t have if I hadn’t changed my lens on life. Honestly, what a shame that would have been. I’ve met people who don’t share my DNA but love and support me better than some who do.

In conclusion, we need more positive men and role models to stand up and show the way. Will this road be easy? Absolutely not. But for real change to happen in your life, you have to face the rough patches and the hardships. It’s like refining gold — it has to be placed in extremely hot fire to burn out the impurities. Once that process is complete, you’re left with a beautiful, shimmering piece of gold.

Leadership is like that. Reaching that point is a great accomplishment, especially in a society that has already structured the world around what it deems acceptable. Just watch the news for two hours.

I choose to be optimistic because I believe this type of struggle is worth it. I’ve seen the up-close effects and benefits of my efforts most days. An amazing older woman once told me that if you don’t see it physically, you can aspire to become it — and lead the pack.

That’s what it’s all about: being a visible, positive role model for our youth so they can see and understand that they can choose to live — and not choose to die in the streets. I’ve spoken to many young men who feel like they don’t have a choice. Sad but true. If they don’t recognize the light within themselves, the streets will continue to dim that light until it’s completely snuffed out.

I challenge you all to step up and lead by example. Today.

Our past doesn’t define us. We determine who we are by what we do. Our actions will tell our stories.

Terry Sellers is serving a life sentence under the felony murder rule and has spent more than 21 years incarcerated. He asserts that he was not present at the crime scene and was convicted largely on the testimony of his co-defendant. His case includes alleged constitutional violations, including ineffective counsel and suppressed exculpatory evidence. Through his work, Terry advocates for leadership, faith, and reform while sharing his journey of personal growth in prison.

The post Personal Growth in Prison: A Young Black Man’s Journey from Rage to Redemption first appeared on Prison Writers.