Dawan Ingram remembers the moment he found his first gray hair and explains what it’s like to be aging in prison when you’re innocent.

My reality is a grim one. I was sentenced to 50 years in prison for a crime where  evidence proved I was innocent. I was arrested at the age of 18. Eleven years later, new evidence has emerged that supports my claims of innocence, yet I am still incarcerated.

I stared in my iPhone-sized mirror, admiring, but more so examining, the sharp lines of the prison-issued trimmers. After cutting various styles for numerous prisoners, at last I had time to do my own. I was only doing a shape-up, not a complete haircut, but the before and after was night and day. Satisfied with the results, I angled the mirror to see on top of my head. It looked like a piece of lint was in my locks.

I tried to remove the lint without success. Reality quickly set in. It dawned on me that I was not trying to remove lint but rather a gray hair! My heart sank. An overwhelming feeling of sadness accompanied my shock. I’m only 29 years old, I thought to myself. Am I really getting old?

I arrived at New Jersey State Prison in 2016. I was 21 years old. I had a habit of joking with older guys about their gray hairs. Many laughed, but others expressed a somber look on their faces that I couldn’t quite understand — until now.

As far back to my childhood as I can remember, I was often told that I had an old soul. Even recently, other prisoners my age joked that I am an old man. Hearing that in jest is not the same as seeing signs of aging. Although I only found one gray hair, I had to accept the fact that I am getting older and life is taking its course.

The moment I discovered the gray hair is when I was forced to internalize it. My entire life flashed through my mind. Thoughts of walking to school, playing with other kids, holidays with my family, times when my only worries were adolescent in nature.

I stood there, still staring in the mirror for what felt like a lifetime of reflection. Then thoughts of my future surfaced. What has my life become? It’s a repetitive routine of being counted three or four times each day; of being called to breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We were rushed to eat, humiliated, strip-searched and dehumanized at any given time by any given prison guard.

I finally understood the look on the faces of those men. They were once young like me! Without gray hairs! Those men had dreams and aspirations, and many still do. They have been here, trapped, slowly watching themselves age in prison.

When I finally put down the mirror, I couldn’t shake the feelings that blanketed my existence. The unanswered questions tortured my brain. Will I die in prison? Will I ever have children of my own? What sane human being will arrest an 18-year-old child and give him 50 years for a crime without substantial evidence?

A gray hair opened my eyes. This world that we live in is not a fair one. This country we live in is filled with people in positions of power who are not being held accountable. The State of New Jersey at one point had the highest disparity between African Americans incarcerated and non-minorities/whites in the entire United States. New Jersey State Prison has designed policies that oppress and belittle rather than uplift and rehabilitate.

Young men in New Jersey are being robbed of their youth. I have a gray hair to prove it.

Dawan Ingram #360524E
1052709-360524E
New Jersey State Prison – 1400
PO Box 96777
Las Vegas, NV 89193

The post Aging in Prison When You’re Innocent first appeared on Prison Writers.