Can You Find Peace in Prison?

Who should be more miserable than people in prison? Shut away for years from freedom, affection, and comfort with years more to go, it’s the punishment that many people fear worse than death. And yet, some of the most joyful and peace-filled people I’ve ever met have served decades in prison (some with no hope of ever getting out), while I’ve known people who are free and physically healthy who are some of the unhappiest people I’ve ever known.

I was an unhappy person in my past. A decade ago, I began a journey to find a better way to live. I knew it was possible, because every day I’ve seen men who have spent as much as a half-century in prison who (despite the poor choices of their youth) are full of love, kindness, and peace.

Healthy and wealthy people I grew up around on the outside were often miserable, depressed, and fuming under the surface. Were these happy prisoners merely crazy? Or did they know something I didn’t?

Freedom, Imprisonment, and Peace Begin in the Mind

Freedom and imprisonment exist in the mind before they ever become external states. We all have some form of spirit within us (whether that’s a spirit in a religious or metaphorical sense), and our understanding of that spirit shackles more people than the police ever have.

My friend Grant is one of those men I saw in prison who exudes positivity and whose good-natured personality (instead of intimidation) commands respect. He just marked his 50th consecutive year in prison. Entering prison just as the Vietnam War was ending and now elderly, he still works 40 hours a week in the prison carpentry class as a teacher/tutor, volunteers as the inside leader of the Catholic services, creates music, writes faith-based books, and donates his free time to mentoring others. I asked him how he does it all, and how he has kept mentally healthy after a half-century inside.

“If I focus on what I don’t have, I’ll always lose. My focus is on what I do have. I’m worried about what I’m able to do, not what I’m not able to do.”

Resentment Is the Enemy of Peace

I’ve learned that resentment is the opposite of hope and joy. These opposing forces can’t live simultaneously in the same person. If you want peace inside, you have to find a way to choose to give up resentment, to let go, to forgive. (It’s only what every major religion has been saying for thousands and thousands of years. I wish I had listened far sooner.)

I’ve known people who seemed to have everything, including freedom and riches, who couldn’t do that.

The Many Forms of Imprisonment That Steal Peace

The government isn’t the only force that deprives us of our freedom, and people don’t just lose access to what they desire due to committing a crime. There are the shackles of poverty and illness. There is the solitary confinement of those who have been shamed and humiliated. There are the walls formed in our minds by anger, envy, resentment—the barbed wire of mental illness. The uniting factor is that these things deprive people of freedom, or deprive them of the ability to use it.

There are some things that are completely out of our control. Disabilities may be permanent, mental illness may be incurable. Having gotten ourselves into physical prison, we no longer have control over where we go or when we leave. But how we deal with it, and the direction we go from there, can knock down a lot of walls.

Ego, Identity, and Inner Peace

Many men in prison are arrogant, or come into prison cocky. Criminals often think they’re special, in a way that society doesn’t. We have to balance it all out, finding the middle way between who we’re tempted to believe we are, for good or for bad. As Chuck Palahniuk said in Fight Club, “We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are.”

On the opposite end, so many people tell themselves other stories, a narrative about who they are and what direction they’re going, every moment of every day. I can do this. I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough. I’m not smart enough. Some things are told to us; many of us have been called names that imply we are unimportant or limited when it isn’t true. Just because you’ve lost does not make you a loser. Just because you fail doesn’t make you a failure. Sometimes we do well in one area of life and come to believe that’s all we are—and then we fail there and are devastated to our very center.

“It’s all ego,” said my good friend Nathan, who served seven years and was a spiritual mentor to many in this prison. “Anything that takes you from living and focusing on this moment right now in peace, it’s all ego. Separate yourself from that, and who are you? You’re still you, but really you. A stronger you.”

Learning Peace Through Guidance and Perspective

How do you do that? It took me almost 15 years in prison to even start, and I’m still not a master. But with guidance from others, I found some things that help.

If you want to feel gratitude about your own life, even if you’ve spent half of that life in prison, consider the procession of chronically ill and quadriplegic prisoners being wheeled to the medical unit at Thumb Correctional Facility each morning. These incarcerated men have often served decades already. My prison experience has been incredibly horrible, yet in many ways it’s been easy compared to theirs.

I often sit with a few disabled men each week at church. They don’t even think to pray for freedom; their prayers are to be able to be a “regular” prisoner. To be healthy, even if serving a life sentence, is a dream and a prayer for some men. They wish for this much luck.

Near Death and Renewed Peace

As odd as this may sound, one of the best things that ever happened to me was almost dying. In 2020, I had a near-death experience on the floor of my prison cell. As everything went black, all I could think of was how I didn’t want to go out like this. I had a spiritual experience and came back with a newfound zeal to do better. But it would have been easier to not have to wait years and then almost die. Are there more efficient or expedited ways?

“I’m too blessed to stress,” says JB, who has been incarcerated longer than I’ve been alive (36 years). A former biker, he’s one of the leaders in the prison church. His philosophy is much like that of Grant’s. I asked JB how he found that perspective.

“My faith took me out of my perspective as a man trying to get what I can, to be the alpha dog. It took me out of a fear-based and self-based place, and put me in a place of love and compassion.”

Faith, Community, and Peace in Dark Places

JB was given a new context in which joy and peace became far easier, even in the roughest prisons in the 1990s. And he’s shared that with others. Also on the prison church’s ministry team is a former college professor, two former members of rival street gangs, and a young man who suffers from autism and severe anxiety disorders. All have shared that their faith in God has given them a new foundation from which they see the world differently in a healthier way for themselves and others. While I highly recommend it, not everyone is open to faith. Are there any other lessons from people who can be joyous in the darkest of places? Yes!

You learn how to put your feelings in their proper places when you share and listen in a prison self-help group. If nothing else, you’ll meet at least one person who has been through far worse than you have and yet has found a way to grow and thrive in a healthier way. But it’s more than just that. You meet people who will listen with care and with the understanding that experience brings, who will accept you, and who want to see you succeed.

Peace Through Listening and Shared Humanity

I’ve volunteered with a program similar to “Scared Straight” that involves speaking with troubled youth from the streets. As part of this, we listen without judgement, and it’s so often the first time these youth have had someone with experience to talk to who isn’t going to punish them or lecture them, and they really open up. I always encourage them to find a parent, teacher, and/or therapist to continue talking to.

I believe that everyone who hasn’t experienced this would try it. There’s no one who would be harmed, and almost everyone would benefit significantly. If a bunch of men in prison can become healthier from it, there surely is no one on the outside too far gone or messed up to give it a try.

I didn’t have a healthy or happy mentality when I was young. Coming to prison, I didn’t initially think it could be possible. But after over two decades in the equivalent of purgatory on earth, I’ve seen many people find peace and joy in the most difficult of situations. If it’s possible here, it’s possible to find anywhere. I wish it for every person, and I know it’s possible for every person to have.