I remember when the first IPhone came out. In fact, that’s the only model I’ve ever seen in person. I remember Final Fantasy X being a hot new game on PlayStation II. Those are a couple of my last good memories before my arrest. A lot has changed since 2010. And a lot continues to change for me.

On Halloween 2024, I arrived in a medium-security facility having done my previous 14 plus years of incarceration in various maxes. It was an eye-opening experience. With no fixed cameras in the facility, staff are a lot more hands on here than the max I had just come from, which had plenty of stationary cameras. If you’re in for a “messed up” charge, good luck making it through physically unscathed. More attention needs to be brought to bear on the treatment sex offenders receive in prison, especially in facilities without cameras; however, I wanted to share my impressions on reentry in this piece.

One thing I can tell without even having hit the streets, is that entering prison is much easier than exiting it. Aside from the obvious – how much things on the outside have changed – there’s the less obvious matter of conditioning, or becoming “institutionalized.” With freedom comes responsibilities, and a lack thereof means concomitantly fewer obligations. I hear inmates talk about their first meal when they get out, or the first thing they would like to do, but it’s a known fact that parolees are at their most vulnerable their first few hours/days free. To say sudden freedom from the carceral setting is a shock to the system is probably an understatement.

What I try to remind myself is to defer the celebratory urge, and focus on mitigating risk of re-offense through gradual, incremental change. Focusing on what benefits I’m eligible for and securing treatment are priorities. I’ve always been able to fill my time, so the structure of prison doesn’t fulfill that need for me, but taking care of myself is not something I’m going to be used to. One thing that helps me with this whole monumental transition is to resist the desire to control everything. Rather, I try to remain in the present moment and “go with the flow.”

Having a support network also makes a difference. Feeling all alone was one of the major risk factors that led up to my offense. Ultimately, I believe we must rely on ourselves in deciding how to live our lives, but during daily stresses, and times of change, having a shoulder to lean on matters. That’s probably the single biggest change in my outlook pre and post incarceration – the realization that I need help, that I need other people in my life.

Some inmates spend their time locked up planning on how to be better criminals. How to make sure they won’t get caught this time around. Sad, but true. One of the biggest ongoing scams is getting synthetic drugs that are sprayed on paper into prison. Seems to be no end of “Duce” in prison. It is the biggest cause of violence in prison, imo. Because it’s practically undetectable it runs rampant. Maybe if honor facilities with a zero drug tolerance policy existed, the inmates who were serious about their rehabilitations could be separated from those who spend their time and money getting high.

I don’t expect to change prison policy, so I just do my best to survive the surrounding madness. The possibility of going home after 15 years is overwhelming. With that said, I’m ready for change. Some people will only judge a book by its cover and never believe someone in my shoes may be rehabilitated. Thankfully some people can refrain from judging until they look a little deeper.

Will the parole board give me a fair shot? I have to believe they will. I do not want to be a cynical con, even if it seems like so many of my peers are. I’m aware of the abysmal recidivism rates, but I fully intend to defy the odds. Wish me luck.

Connor Izard-11B1097
Mid-State C.F.
January 2025

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