Malik Shabbaz describes how it took for him to get shot up, paralyzed in a wheelchair, with a 31-year sentence, for him to realize it’s now all up to him to change.

I did so many terrible things in my life that I now regret. I didn’t have to choose the lifestyle I chose. I didn’t have to shoot the police I shot and I didn’t have to declare them my arch-enemy, because not all police are crooked, as I once thought.

My past now hunts me down. I try to run from it, but I seem to never escape. Most of my problems are initiated from my own foolishness. It’s hard for me to admit it, but it’s the truth. I didn’t have to choose the lifestyle I chose.

And even though my so-called friend snitched on me, it was me who attracted this type of person in my life. I’m the one who chose to sell drugs, carry guns, and live the street life. So when I reflect on my past, I see me as being the source of my issues. I shot two detectives at point-blank range, and my only excuses were that I wanted to go out with a blast and I hated them for killing my friend Slim. But is that the real truth?

When I reflect, I see I was lost and misguided from the first day I accepted the street life, because being the world’s biggest gangster wasn’t going to ever be my sole purpose in life. I had far too much talent and potential to settle for what I now regret. When I look at myself now, I see what so many people saw in me so long ago, but I never accepted it. I was one of the smartest dudes around and had many talents, but I chose to be an idiot.

I could have been a doctor, a lawyer, or anything else in life. But I wanted to be the biggest gangster the streets would ever see. This was my choice. Why? Because I was lost in mind and spirit. But I also had to find myself.

It took for me to get shot up, paralyzed in a wheelchair, with a 31-year sentence for me to see the light.

I had to come back from two flatlines to find my strength. I had to recover physically and mentally through a 10-year span, learning to do everything over like a newborn baby.

I finally saw my truth. I finally found my purpose. My real purpose in life. To be that voice to say “no” to that which I glorified for so long. To give my testimony of truth and take responsibility and accountability for my actions. That’s my purpose.

I’m growing each day as I continue to struggle on my journey. It’s not easy, but I have to face the fact that I’m not only the source of my problems but also the key to my success.

I gained this strength through pain and struggle, which are now my diamonds covered in dirt.

Malik Shabazz #R53189
Joliet Treatment Center
2848 West McDonough Street
Joliet, IL 60436

The post It Took a Prison Sentence For Me To See The Light first appeared on Prison Writers.