Andrew Krosch describes how he spends his time when he needs some getaway time while serving life in prison.

When it’s time to take a break from the day-to-day irritations that come with serving in prison, there aren’t a whole lot of options. You might rack up a minor violation and take a week-long getaway in the segregation unit. But if a guy’s really going through something and in need of a prolonged “vacation,” he might rack up some more serious charges. Then we have something called the Administrative Control Unit (ACU). It’s a high-security detention unit that was added to the prison a couple decades ago. It’s big, with high ceilings and lots of very secure doors. It can provide a level of relative peace and quiet you’re not going to find anywhere else.

The hallways in the ACU are long, brightly lit, unfinished, all the electrical, plumbing, and venting mechanicals exposed overhead. It reminds me a lot of the maintenance corridors in another one of Minnesota’s better known institutions—the Mall of America—with its tunnel-like hallways that run behind the hundreds of shops. I did some repair work there in the 90s, many lifetimes ago.

The cells in the ACU come equipped with double doors, their own shower, and a TV screen high in the wall behind heavy plexiglass. In years past, the TV was a privilege earned over time with prolonged stretches of good behavior. Now it’s a standard part of the ACU experience. It plays two channels: one an endless loop of the federally mandated Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA) video in English, Spanish, and Hmong; the other a weekly rotation of religious programs (Native American ceremonies on Monday, Buddhism Tuesday, etc.). Yep. TV. Except during a time out. Otherwise known as “quiet status,” implemented when a guy snaps out or otherwise goes off and causes some kind of a ruckus. You spend a 24-hour stretch with no books, no TV, etc. Cool out and you’re back to normal. If not, the cycle continues, 24 hours at a time.

For example, there’s this one guy. (No, not me. A “theoretical,” you know, “just for the sake of discussion.”) There’s this guy who just landed in ACU. Came in hot. He’d been going through some things. Very pissed off. Smoke coming out of his ears, the whole deal. Automatic quiet status. Seems like he kind of snapped out during a work detail. Kind of yelled at the supervisor. Maybe said some things he shouldn’t have said. Maybe had a knife on him.

Note to self: You know, it might be time for that guy to sign up for that anger management class again. See if it sticks this time. Deep breaths. Count to 10. It worked for a while the last time. Until it didn’t. Old dogs, new tricks and all that.

Twenty-four hours of quiet is a good start. It’s enough time to take a few deep breaths. Count to 10 a few more times. Take a good look around my new home, identify which parts need to be cleaned immediately, what can wait. Take a look out the window. Take in what passes for nature around here. Weeds and grass and wildflowers, in that order. I didn’t know it at the time, but I would be back there long enough to watch the grass outside my window grow knee-high, the weeds even taller, enjoy a melancholy beauty as I watched those little wildflowers for a little while every day, never giving in to all the ugliness surrounding them, rising above it all.

That I’d be back there long enough to watch a maintenance man in uniform drive a ridiculously small riding lawnmower through the knee-high grass and even taller weeds. See the wildflowers that I had watched grow a little more every day, reach for the light, thrive in such an otherwise ugly place, plowed under, folded flat by the front axle of a maintenance man’s child-sized riding mower to meet the unyielding blades of fate. For now, only roots remain.

It’s quiet again. The reaper on the riding mower is gone for now. I hadn’t noticed. There was the steady drone of the blades and motor and then quiet again. The same quiet as before.

There’s probably a metaphor or two in there somewhere. Some kind of greater truth. But if there is, I’m choosing not to dwell on it. It’d probably be wise for you to do the same.

In the ACU with the inner and outer doors of the individual cells closed (the inner door is usually secured unless you’re being moved), all but the loudest of the sporadic screams of old friends and your new neighbors are muffled. The ones that make it through are easy enough to tune out with a little practice. Ignore, even (consciously anyhow) with much (much much much) more practice. Most of the yelling is about a whole lot of nothing. Communications born of boredom, chit chat. Talk to break up the days and weeks (months and years) of loneliness. Other times it’s simply self-expression. The yeller yelling to let out pain, rage, frustration, or maybe because he’s just plain old batshit crazy. You name it, we got it. And sometimes the yelling’s for yelling’s sake, sometimes it just feels good to scream and rage at nothing at all—basically just for the hell of it.

I will get off quiet status at 9 a.m. the next day. A guard brings me an intake bag and a couple paperback books. She goes into the adjoining closet and powers up the TV. Makes sure it works and I can hear it.

I finish the process of getting my cell set up. Books on the floor by the bed. Pen and paper on the desk. Wash the cell down with a rag and bar soap that came with the intake bag: a paper sack with motel-sized hygiene products in clear packaging, a comb (black plastic), and a pen (a two-inch ballpoint ink cartridge in a clear vinyl sleeve). And “kites”: two yellow, three pink. The ubiquitous prison stationery. The forms we use for any kind of request or complaint. Yellow for general, pink for medical. The medical kites include a seven-point checklist to address several predetermined issues the inmate may be experiencing, including “in the event of” medical emergencies, thoughts of self-harm (in which case you should) STOP, contact staff.

Andrew Krosch #206912
MNCf-OPH
5329 Osgood Avenue North
Stillwater, MN 55082

The post When It’s Time to Take a Vacation, There Aren’t a Lot of Options When You’re Serving Life in Prison first appeared on Prison Writers.