There are all sorts of bizarre or clever life hacks in prison, but none other is as disgusting as the one Jeremy Busby describes. He’s living next to a shit dealer. Literally. 

Entrepreneurship comes in all shapes, sizes, and fashions in Texas prisons.

As a direct result of the prison system failures to give incarcerated individuals any type of paid wages for their labor or provide basic hygiene products like deodorant to the indigent, prisoners have to get creative to generate an income for themselves.

In my nearly three decades of incarceration, I have witnessed some lucrative operations that rival those of Bill Gates and Elon Musk—from the guys who learned how to smuggle K2 and methamphetamines into prison on paper to the person who managed to get bookstores to send him refunds for books he never purchased.

There’s the hamburger dealer who smuggles sandwiches from the prison’s food service department. The greeting card dealer who makes unbelievable pop-up cards from scrapped magazines. The cellphone, dope, and porn dealer who smuggles illegal contraband into the prison. There’s even the pen pal dealer, who sells addresses to women seeking prison pen pals for a fee. The basic business principle of supply and demand rules the underground economy here.

The genius skillset that’s required to set up such cash-generating ventures isn’t what anyone would expect to find dwelling inside a prison. Out of all the enterprises I’ve witnessed over the years, none of them comes even close to the elaborate business that my neighbor has established. It’s as original and innovative as they come. He is the official neighborhood shit dealer!

I’m sure you’re wondering what type of shit I’m referring to. As unbelievable as it may sound, he only sells one type: human shit! Real-live feces, boo boo, dookie.

In Texas prisons there is this disgusting practice in solitary confinement where angry and mentally ill prisoners assault one another and the staff with feces. They force their feces into a recycled water bottle or drinking cup and dash it on their targets when they walk past their cells. It’s a very prominent practice that has made shit a hot commodity.

Some prisoners can’t stomach the packaging process of stuffing their own feces into a recycled bottle. However, they have no qualms about tossing someone else’s feces on their perceived enemies, as long as it’s prepackaged. So my neighbor has tapped into the previously untapped market of shit distribution. He even brands his product as “Dracos” in reference to the semiautomatic rifle that’s favored by street gangs. Anyone can purchase a Draco for $3 or two for $5.

His business is thriving and inflation-proof. Any time a prisoner has a bad encounter with a staff member or other prisoner, they dial up the shit dealer.

“You have any Dracos ready?” they yell.

“You know it,” he ecstatically responds. “One for three, two for five!”

His clientele even includes incarcerated janitors and porters. If a prisoner inside of one of the solitary confinement cells pisses one of them off, they purchase a Draco from the shit dealer and saturate his cell with feces.

Bottom line, it’s a shitty deal, but one that’s growing by the day. I have been in prison long enough to know to always expect the unexpected. However, I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would become neighbors with the “shit dealer!”

Jeremy Busby #881193
Estelle
264 FM 3478
Huntsville, TX
77320-3320

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