Survival Tips for Prison Without Losing Yourself

Arnold Barnes offers survival tips for prison, offering hard-won lessons for navigating the unpredictable realities of prison life.

Survival Tip #1: The One-Eyed Demon

You’re sitting in the day room watching your favorite show, and suddenly the channel starts changing. Confused, you look around to see another inmate with the remote control, flipping through the channels as if you weren’t there watching it. What do you do?

TV Politics and Unspoken Rules

Before you start to trip, know that the #1 rule regarding TVs in prison (I speak for all male housing facilities) is: Sports is mandatory. Depending on the number of TVs in your dorm/section, one of them will almost always stay on ESPN. It will go to Fox, NBC, or ABC for the games, and then right back to ESPN. And when I say games, I’m not just talking about major league football, basketball, and baseball. I’m talking Olympics, all college sports, Little League World Series, volleyball, track and field, hackysack, fuzzball, hot dog eating contests, synchronized swimming, etc. If they can gamble on it, it’s considered a sport. And woe to him who changes the sports TV from anything but. Leave that up to the sports gurus and tank bosses.

A second TV will usually be considered the movie TV. You’ll have the opportunity to watch the same movies over and over again until you remember all the lines to your favorite (or not) Marvel and DC movies. Outside of this, what you need to consider is that prisons are very segregated by race and gangs. Depending on where you’re at, some of these groups may claim one of the TVs on your section. Whites usually have last rights to phones, TVs, tables, and chairs, since in prison they’re the minority. And some of these gangs don’t care if “their” TV is on an infomercial or no one in their organization is even in the living area watching it. They still won’t take kindly to anyone touching “their” TV.

Why the Television Is Called the One-Eyed Demon

The television has been termed the “one-eyed demon,” because more fights start over in prison it than anything else. It’s the vehicle through which most people pass their time (and one which the staff uses to modify behavior). Because of this, a lot of people are willing to go out of their way to disrespect you or fight you over their favorite show, whether it be the local news or a soap opera, and I’ve seen more fights over the Dallas Cowboys than anything else. I’m not saying you shouldn’t watch TV or even ask for a channel check. The key is politics. Ask people what they’d like to watch. Make a suggestion. And if you don’t see anyone in front of a TV, don’t assume no one’s watching it and change it, because it may have been changed to that channel 20 minutes early in preparation for an upcoming show.

Observation

I personally stopped watching television years ago, as prison has taken away from the viewing experience, and most don’t want to watch what I would like. So I transitioned from watching TV to watching all the humans and their behavior (way more interesting) and writing about it. One thing I’ve noticed is that, however you decide to do time, if you want to survive this place, watch out for the one-eyed demon.

Mastering this survival tip about the one-eyed demon can save you from unnecessary conflict. The next survival tip focuses on how to survive emotionally through relationships.

Survival Tip #2: Surviving Relationships

During your residency, you’ll notice that the maxim “out of sight, out of mind” seems to manifest as a natural law regarding the incarcerated and members of the free world. Because of this, you should confidently anticipate the falling off and on (as we say) of friends, family, and loved ones. As far as romantic relationships go, realize that they are conditional—or at least start that way—and normally, presence is essential to the existence of a healthy one. It’s been said that humans form relationships to fulfill three needs: emotional, sexual, and financial. I personally wouldn’t limit how one forms relationships to the big three, but you should know that the only reason for your continual presence in the lives of others is because you serve a function. Whether you’re a provider, protector, or caretaker of another, you should recall how you used to relate to others. Then you’ll be able to grasp what’s meant when I say you can no longer be the boyfriend of another in the free world. Sure, the relationship can remain, even the titles—and many do—but due to the absence of your physical presence, the way you participate in the lives of others will have to change.

Redefining Roles While Incarcerated

Having a significant other while incarcerated is viewed as doing hard time. One reason for this is because most couples don’t know how to intentionally evolve the structure of the relationships, and instead continue to behave in their previous roles. If your main role was that of a provider, maybe you should focus on being a mentor to your loved one. Go to the library or order a book on how to get AAA credit, and after reading, suggest teaching them the game. You can still be an asset to your loved ones in the free world; you just have to reimagine the relationship by changing its narrative and assuming a different role to play in the lives of others. And remember what Einstein said about time: It’s relative, so while for you it may pass as though you were staring at a pot of water waiting for it to boil, for them, it’s zooming by, and they won’t have the same amount of time to give to you that you’re used to.

Holding onto this survival tip about relationships helps prepare you for the emotional distance and change that incarceration brings. The next survival tip deals with how to stay safe in the chow hall.

Survival Tip #3: Chow Hall Rules

I have a friend (with twice as many years in the system as myself) who for years I’ve never seen eat in the chow hall. They’ve created a maxim between a large circle of individuals by repeatedly saying, “the chow hall will kill you before anything.” Sounds humorous at first, but for any inmate or officer who has experience either working in a prison kitchen or eating out of one, the hint of truth in his distrust is obvious. One reason for this is by prison policy, cleanliness and sanitation in prison kitchens don’t have to meet free-world standards. I’m not sure why sanitation practices of prison kitchens get regulated as if we’re 3/5 human. It’s not like my biology suddenly changes after the judge hits the gavel. Either way, rule #3 is: Eat at your own risk.

What’s Really on the Menu

Whether you’re blessed to not have to eat chow hall food like my friend, or go daily like I do for the vegetables, you should pay attention to the menu. Most prisons will not only exaggerate their menus to the inmate population and the public by posting items like salisbury steak for lunch in the chow hall and on their web page—and you’ll hear things over the phone from them like “baby y’all eat better than us”)—only to go down there and it’s nothing more than a hamburger patty (mystery meat) with a teaspoon of some strange sauce. A lot of prisons feed a diet high in carbs and lots of starches (potatoes, bread, pancakes, and pasta). As all state, federal, and private prisons differ, upon arrival, you should pay attention to the diet you’re being restricted to. Pay attention if you find yourself constantly eating beef noodle casserole, pork noodle casserole, tuna casserole, beef chili mac, pork chili mac, mac and cheese, beef dirty rice, pork dirty rice, etc., and of course pancakes and bread. These foods accompanied with the soups from the commissary are exactly what’s on the list of foods to avoid for diabetics and prediabetics—not only in prison but also in the free world. Alarming evidence published earlier this year are in accord with my findings. Pay attention to your diet.

Additionally, when prison officials “run chow” on their unit, they’re literally directing traffic. Minimum security units usually allow two-way traffic—both coming and going from building to building. Maximums usually only allow one-way and will send one shot (usually 30 or so depending on the unit’s size), rush them to finishing eating, send them back, then repeat the process. One reason for this is because if one racial group/gang decides to retaliate against another for whatever reason, they’ll try to catch said person or group in traffic. 10 members of a gang can’t just walk from one building to another unnoticed. They can walk to chow together.

When Riots Begin

For this reason, most prison riots start in the chow hall. A gang will keep the date and time (say, last chow) of when they wish to “kick off a riot” secret. You may find yourself with your head down, eating your favorite gullah, and then—a pitcher full of tea, a cup, or tray gets used as a weapon, and you see a riot kick off. If this happens while you’re eating or you see a wrestling match, even a tug of war over a food tray, get the hell out of there. By policy (even with a staff member inside), they’ll slam and lock the door shut, pump the chow hall full of gas, and ask questions later.

Following this survival tip could literally keep you alive in the chow hall. The next survival tip explains how to understand power and safety among gangs and racial groups.

Survival Tip #4: Gangs and Racial Organizations

Prisons are racially divided and usually run and governed not by their administration but by gangs. If you didn’t see this behavior or mentality in the county jail prior to your “catching chain,” you most definitely will see it in a real prison. And prison will give you your education. All prisons are built differently, but the example I give here is one in which you find yourself in an all-male housing facility with 24 cells and 48 inmates. In this first hypothetical situation, you may find that there are only two phones; you need to call your mama and let her know where you just landed. If this is the case, you usually won’t have any problem with any one organization claiming rights to one of the two phones. If it’s five phones on a section, then before you make a phone call, there are a few things you should consider.

Phone Rules and Confidence

First thing to consider before using the phone is whether you’re sure of yourself or not. What I mean is, no matter where in the system “I” may land, “I’m” not asking anybody for permission to use the phone. Not only is every prison it’s own world (and a lot of times every building of the unit a different world of themselves), but everyone is treated differently by both inmates and staff. When the doors of a section open up and someone new enters, because this is an all-male, high-testosterone environment, they’ll be sized up by both inmates and officers. Some men give the appearance of strength, while others of weakness. Some of the inmates will see “fresh fish,” while others will see a man who shouldn’t be messed with. This is nothing more than a matter of perspective. Whether you have 48 men in protective custody where all of a sudden one of them becomes a tank boss, or as far as ad-seg, in which case it doesn’t matter how you look, everyone who walks in the building will get looked at.

If you’re sure of yourself (confidence is key) and are using the phone claimed by an organization or racial group, you may be approached respectfully when done and politely instructed on the social order of the phones. If you’re unsure of yourself—most men and women are their first time down, unless they’re already affiliated, are a martial artist, or just plain confident—and you feel wary of using the phone (as you should in some institutions), it’s best to ask someone of your own race who you feel comfortable asking, which phone is which. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. It’s the same thing with the tables, but you can come in and have a seat without the same emphasis. Your prison will educate you, and your education will change over time and as your housing situation changes. Some pods will have a majority of one gang/organization and sometimes more of a balanced mixture.

Learning Through Experience

Just the other day, I had myself removed from the dorms and placed back on the building to have a healthy amount of solitude, being housed in with a cellmate with a kitchen job. I hadn’t been on the buildings in four years. I went to the day room and sat down at an empty table to finish writing this chapter. A Black man came up to me and said, “This Pisa table [a Hispanic gang comprised of foreigners from South America in the Texas penal system]. Come sit over here,” and I was invited to sit at the “Black table.” I just get in where I fit in. Understanding this survival tip about gangs and racial organizations helps new inmates stay aware and avoid unnecessary trouble.

Each survival tip offers a glimpse into the unspoken rules, risks, and relationships that define life behind bars—and the mindset required to survive it.

Enjoy this story? Don’t miss Tips for the New Fish in Prison

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